Having babies

We are at one of those dreadful team building workshops. Everyone has to introduce themselves, describe their families and say what they like doing. That was when it hit me: having babies is great sport for Congolese men. As we went round the room my jaw was dropping to the floor. 5, 6, 9 – no number is too large for a good family. Being good Catholics and knowing that there’s plenty of room for more people in the Congo, no man worth his salt will have less than six.

Whether their wives share this view I’m not sure.

Marriage and babies actually define who people are, which puts young people at a disadvantage. For such men (and there were a few at our workshop) to admit that they weren’t married, or even engaged, was very difficult. Shame – that was the dominant emotion felt by both the speaker and his audience. How can a full-bloodied man not be married? And not be having babies?

Living in Zambia for many years one could never forget about babies. Every woman in the street, behind a market stall, cultivating a vegetable patch, or cooking the dinner had a baby on her back. Nicely wrapped up in a piece of cloth, with its little feet just showing on each side of her body, the babies slept very contentedly. Occasionally they would squawk and would be peremptorily yanked around to the front and fastened onto an ample breast. That must undoubtedly create a wonderful bond between mother and child, and usually the baby would be carried in this way until about 18 months, when the next one was on the way.

But that’s not the way it’s done in the Congo. To look around the streets of Kinshasa one would assume that mankind has stopped reproducing. No babies on backs, no prams, nothing. No babies, full stop. Except, one should add, on the walk along the banks of the Congo river where children of all sizes, ages and races run around, ride bikes and generally have a good time.

But to get back to the Congolese: I hadn’t noticed the lack of babies until one day, two and a half months after arriving, for the first time I saw a woman with a baby on her back. What an oddity! She didn’t seem self conscious about it, but she was without doubt the odd one out. For the rest of the babies, I can only assume that they are stuck at home and looked after by a young relative, because their mother will certainly be walking the streets selling something.