There are theories about chaos enabling political upheaval, and thereby allowing leaders to gain economic and political advantage.
I think this theory is being proved correct at the ports of Kinshasa and Brazzaville on the Congo River.
Let’s set the scene:
ACT 1
Scene 1:
Enter immigration officers, neatly dressed in grey uniforms with the name of their department prominently embroidered on them.
Officer 1: We are not making the system work for us. People are able to pass through with hardly any hold-ups. It makes us look unimportant.
Officer 2: To add to that Officer 1, more face to face contact would be good. It allows us to, so to speak, establish a relationship with the public, if you see what I mean (putting on a very evil face).
Officer 3: I’ve just had a bright idea. Let’s all work in separate offices so that no one can see what we’re doing and (speaking with hand over mouth to prevent the public from lip reading) give us more freedom to negotiate.
Officer 1: And, here’s a better one. Let’s make it so that no one knows where to start, and what to do when and where.
Officer 2: That’s it: we can employ our friends to guide people through the system. The more complicated the system is, the more the public will need people to expediters (the word said sneeringly, with a quizzical lift of the eyebrow) it for them:
Officer 3: And no one must ever know what we are supposed to charge so that we can really negotiate in earnest.
Scene 2
Enter THE PUBLIC, a mixture of businessmen, sweaty tourists, beautifully dressed Congolese pulling neat overnight bags, cross-looking Lebanese traders, and the odd man in the street, thus providing local colour.
Angry Lebanese trader: Can someone help me here? Where do I go?
Mr Fixit 1: Do nothing sir, I will handle everything for you; just sit here in the VIP lounge and relax.
Smartly dressed businessman: Can someone help me here? Where do I go?
Mr Fixit 2: Please beware of touts and expediters: they are a menace. They will rip you off. I’m an off duty person who knows everyone here, and will look after you. My name is Jean. Just trust me and relax.
Businessman: Thank you – it is nice to know that some people are honest here.
Woman backpacker, obviously nervous: Can someone help me here? Where do I go?
Mr Fixit 3: sends her the wrong way. When she arrives at the wrong office there is the nice –
Mr Fixit 4: Hello, what are you doing here? Mr Fixit 3 sent you here? Idiot. You have to be careful who you speak to here. But don’t worry, I’ll help you. I know all these people. Some can be very difficult. Come with me.
Man in the street, carrying a colourful bag of unidentifiable produce: Can someone help me here? Where do I go?
Mr Fixit 3: Babbles to the man in the street at high speed in the vernacular, obviously trying to persuade the man in the street to use his services.
Man in the street: Do I have to talk in words on one syllable? Go away! I don’t need you.
Walks off at speed.
Mr Fixit 3 follows, trying to stop him: Don’t forget that since you are a trader you’ll need someone to help . . .
Man in the street: Get out of my way.
Leaves.
Scene 3
The office of Officer 2, who is sitting behind a desk covered with papers, passports and mysterious bundles of documents.
Enter Mr Fixit 4 and the tourist:
Mr Fixit 4: Here I have brought with me this nice young lady who needs help.
Officer 2: First she must pay me $40: that’s our ledger charge.
Mr Fixit 4: But that’s outrageous!
A very noisy argument ensues in the vernacular, tempers appear to be lost, and eventually Officer 2 appears to soften;
Officer 2: Alright, in this case, since the young lady appears to have little money, I’ll do it for $10.
They depart the office.
Outside
Backpacker: Wow! That was quite an argument.
Mr Fixit 4: I know, those people are bastards.
ACT 2
Scene 1
Thirty minutes later
Enter the members of the public. Mr Fixits 1, 2 and 3 drift in and out pretending to look very harassed.
Lebanese trader: What’s happened to my passport?
Mr Fixit 1: They will give it back to you when you board, but meanwhile you have to pay a fee of $20.
Lebanese trader: What’s that for?
Mr Fixit 1: That’s the ledger fee.
Businessman: What’s happened to my passport?
Mr Fixit 2: They said there’s something wrong with your visa. I think if you pay them a little something they’ll overlook it.
Businessman: There’s nothing wrong with my visa.
Mr Fixit 2: It’s a very technical matter.
Businessman: Let me go to see the officer and we’ll sort it out.
Mr Fixit 2: (Face lights up), Of course – come with me.
They leave
Backpacker: What’s happened to my passport?
Mr Fixit 4: Everything is fine. Don’t worry, you’ll get it in a minute. But there’s a small fee to pay, then you’ll get it.
Scene 2
The office of Officer 1
Enter the Businessman and Mr Fixit 2.
Businessman (outraged): What’s all this nonsense about my visa?
Officer 1: Please sit down. There’s nothing to worry about.
Businessman: What do you mean, you’ve got my passport and say there’s nothing to worry about. I’m supposed to leave on the boat in ten minutes. Of course there’s something to worry about. Kindly give me my passport, and I’ll leave.
Officer 1: It pains me to hear your anger. I’m just doing my job. With your type of visa I cannot stamp your passport without referring it to a higher officer. Unfortunately he is not available at present.
Businessman: This is ridiculous – take me to your superior.
Officer 1: As I said he isn’t here. . .
Seems to have a sudden inspiration
But I am allowed to stamp your passport if you pay a small fine. And then everything will be settled and you can go on your way.
Businessman: Fine for what? I’ve done nothing wrong.
Officer 1: Ours not to reason why, this is the rule and I have to obey it.
Businessman: How much?
Officer 1: It’s supposed to be $50, but I can make a special exception in your case and bring it down to $20.
ACT 3
Scene 1
On the boat
Lebanese trader: I had to pay $20: $10 to one, $5 for another and $5 fee for the so-called expediter.
Businessman: You got off lightly: I had to pay $60 altogether.
Backpacker: We agreed on a fee of $15, and then when we had finished he said that that was for the costs, and his fee was $15 . . . , then there was another $10 fee the expediter.
Man in the street: I had to pay a facilitation fee, a ledger fee and an export fee for this (shows his bag of merchandise) – it came to $70. It’s an outrage. Maybe if I’d used that fixer I would have got off with less.
Scene 2
In the customs house after the boat has departed
Officers 1, 2 and 3; Mr Fixits 1,2, 3 and 4
Officer 1: Congratulations everyone: that went very well. There are a few rough edges to sort out. I noticed that Office 3 had hardly anyone queuing to see him – I think this needs attention.
Mr Fixit 1: And some customers appeared to be able to work out what was happening and will be able to do it themselves next time: this is a real problem.
Officer 2: I had a very successful time, inventing a new fine for the wrong visa, and we had a good fake argument about it. I think I could have got $40 out of him.
Mr Fixit 4: What was good was that she was so pathetically thankful I got $10 tip.
Officer 3: I think we should have more efficient screening at the entrance because I saw quite a few people avoiding some of our procedures, and if they find out that they are not necessary there’ll be hell to pay.
The End
True or false?
Four such experiences leaving Kinshasa, entering Brazzaville, and vice versa, make one wonder . . .
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